Straddling

Since you and I know each other more than we did previously, I suppose it's time that I admit my first (and let's face it...only) flaw to you. Sometimes I procrastinate. A sad fact clearly demonstrated by the lack of bloggage over the past two days.

May I bow and scrape and somehow earn your forgiveness? I CAN?!?!?! Thank you.

Now if I were one to point to excuses, I just may indicate the fact that I have no less than three intense writing assignments spinning like plates on a stick at any given time. That's exhausting. And to be honest, I had been using the blogosphere to find my voice, which has helped me find my voice in my academic writing...so there is a little less of that urge to verbally purge, if you know what I'm sayin.

So today is the third day in the first week of classes. Thankfully there was no actual class scheduled today, but instead we had an Enrichment Session. I know what you are thinking..."B-O-R-I-N-G."

You are sadly mistaken, my friend. Blown out of the water as a matter of fact.

Today's session was a conversation with Professor Robert Midkiff about straddling. Standing between the world of the working class poor and the middle class academic. All of the differences that most attribute to sex, gender, race or ethnicity, age...those really have their root in socioeconomic status (SES). And whether we like to admit it or not, that SES has its ugly fingers and vine-like implications around nearly every choice we make. Our responses, our desires, the things we set up to get in the way of us and make us fail when we don't feel like we really belong where the course of our life has placed us...SES has a powerful influence on that.

But I get all of that. I am, after all, running hard after Sociology, and these are not terms that I am unfamiliar with. But one thing did leave me reeling, and I suspect it will serve to challenge and make me question my values, priorities, beliefs, strengths, and the parts of myself that need changing.

Prof. Midkiff posed a question to us...just what will you have to give up in the process of your education? And I find myself both exhilarated and terrified of the answer.

Exhilarated to have an excuse to change some things that cannot be refuted. I mean, who is going to say (who in their right mind, rather) "you are wrong, things need to stay the same. Don't challenge yourself...those ideas were meant for someone better/smarter/higher/richer than yourself...YOUR COLLEGE IS WRONG." (Yes, I know people say this nonsense, but just LET them say it to me.)

Terrified to see what will be asked of me. I have given up a lot throughout my life, and while it has always served to better me and my life and my family, it hurts like hell in the process. Terrified that in order to fully achieve my potential, to realize who I am, I will in the process become someone that makes others too uncomfortable with who they are, and I will become isolated. I don't want to lose the people in my life that I love...but what if they are here for a season and not for the long run? It takes a strong man or woman to stand beside someone and truly truly cheer for them and serve as their foundation and remind them why they started this journey in the first place.

I hope they can keep up...but my heart questions that very possibility, and it leaves me apprehensive.