OF SEX AND RAZORS

Razors. Relationships. I hadn't realized how well one reflected the other until recently. Think about it...you have everything from single-blade, yellow plastic, ghetto dollar store jobbies, to fantastic, five-bladed, lube-included, ergonomically designed drugstore top-shelfers. It seems as though different razors were not so much made for price points as they were for different stages of a relationship. Case in point:

A BRAND NEW RELATIONSHIP
My guess is you have one of the latter mentioned razors, and here is why. In a new relationship, you always need to be ready for the hookup. It's true...what lady wants to get a call for an impromptu date (a nice way to say booty call) from her new beau and have to spend oodles of time shaving her legs, etc. hoping not to nic any bit of her glowing skin? No lady, that's who. So you jump in the shower, grab the perfectly shaped handle of your expensive razor, and get to work. If you are super new in the relationship, or looooove the hookup and are obsessed with smoothness, you may even have a combo situation. One of those mid-level brands, that has 3 or 4 blades, to get the minute hairs the VIP razor may have missed. And the detail work. Those 5-bladed wonders, with heads the size of a softball, just don't cut it around the vag.

A FEW MONTHS INTO IT
Chances are at this point, the frantic, we-just-started-doing-it booty calls have slowed into a more predictable routine of sex on the weekends and the occasional hump-day treat. Most ladies downgrade from the VIP razor into the 3- or 4-blade razors (usually named after goddesses). These are good for taking your time, and do the job well. It's also not too embarrassing when you are co-showering to have your partner see the razor. The VIP is a little intimidating and pre-supposing, while the next category of razor indicates your obsessive budgeting and a general lack of caring about hygiene. Trust me on this one...

AT THE 'FART AROUND EACH OTHER' STAGE
Whether you like it or not, the magic and the sexiness is gone. Kaput. Out the window. It left around the time he walks through the door to find you with your hair in a scrunchie, face mask crustily in place, zits in all their glory, in your slouch socks and stained T. Yep, its happened. The sexiness is gone. Aaaaaand so is your taste in razors. Cause let's face it: a few straggles, or even the prickly/bushy/hairy situation has taken over. My guess is, you are sporting the yellow and blue, single-blade razor that grows rust almost the minute you take it out of the dollar store and open that crinkly cellophane package (you know, the one with the price proudly displayed on the front...ONLY ONE DOLLAR!!!!!). Ugh. you might even be at the 'sharing the razor in a pinch' stage. That's just nasty.

So next time you go to buy a razor, stop and think...where is your relationship? Where do you want it to be? How do you want your friends to judge your sex life? And choose wisely.

Oh, and don't look in my shower. A girl's gotta have secrets, right???