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oh memorial day
what am i memorializing?
failures.
a failed marriage...
started at 20, with preconceptions
and secrets
destined to crash and burn.

it makes sense that it ended
but there are two girls
left in the wake
of my fear, insecurity
selfishness
ugliness
unlovability
fat

so many other naked women haunted my marriage
entered my marriage bed
stole my husbands heart.
i fought for little pieces of his
diseased
broken
perverted
heart
thinking that was the best i could do
the best i deserved
all i could get
wrong

i gave years of my life
the health of my body
the life of my heart
the desires and dreams of my soul
to a man that didnt deserve them.
some days i cant
live
enjoy
dream
hope
feel beauty

but its time that he stop taking that away
my Kinsman redeemer said
its time to let go of the life you lost
so you can capture the life
I have to give you.
so here goes.